Happy

I've been wanting to write this blog for weeks now, but there's been pieces of the story that weren't quite complete enough for me to begin.

I've called this entry 'Happy' because I can't quite shake the happiness, which in itself makes me even more happy.

Question is now, where do I actually begin? 

This summer has been one of the busiest I've ever had, ever! Not only have we had visitors come down to stay with us, I've also been working two jobs and getting myself ready to start my degree in October. So, it's been busy, but amazing!

It's opened doors for both myself and for Kris, we've both taken on new opportunities lately, and ones that we didn't even know if they would pay off. It's all been about taking that step of faith and basically seeing what happens.

So yesterday, I quit my job at Truro College to do just that, see what happens next. That step, wasn't so easy, I really wasn't sure how it would go down, and the last thing I wanted to do was burn any bridges with people that I had a lot of respect for. My bosses were incredibly gracious about the whole thing, they thanked me and I thanked them and we parted on such great terms, I couldn't have asked for a better outcome really. 

So yes, that's another door closed, whilst one opens up. 

That same day, I was offered a trial shift at Driftwood, which for some may be a step in the wrong direction, but for me, it ties in beautifully with the plans Kris and I have for our future. It was amazing how simple it was for another door to open!

So the plans I have now are really quite simple, I'm staring my degree in October so it's really a case of dedicating some time to studying, and putting a lot of effort into my assignments, it's been a pretty long time since I can remember studying for myself. 

I'm also still working with Kris. He's got a great little team that I love working with and its amazing as a wife, to see your husband work somewhere that you can sense his passion and drive in almost everything he does.. 

This job coincides with Driftwood where *fingers crossed I get a job* I'll have a couple of shifts that will fill in some gaps (maybe a big winter gap). 

And last but not least, another exciting step in the right direction is taking on more work for Rugbytots. I'm not sure yet where this will take me throughout the next coming year, but I'm so excited to be working with Laura, and seeing how we can make Rugbytots grow! 

So yes, so much has happened over such a short space of time, but I couldn't be happier. Kris and I are moving ever closer to the dreams we have both together and as individuals. It's an amazing time to be us Rooneys! 

Now, I've got a week off to relax with Mr Rooney, take a weekend off in London together and when we come home, the real fun begins! 

St.Agnes

Kris and I have come to St Agnes today, he has a meeting with his boss-to-be in the beautiful Cornish village, so I have decided to sit by the sea and listen to the waves. I'm sitting here watching the holiday makers and the Cornish folk. It's unbelievably peaceful, and it hits me... This is home. Cornwall is our home. And today, sitting by the beach, i wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 

The waves are singing their own song, the children laugh and giggle as they run into, what I can only imagine to be, crisp cold waters. The RNLI have set up their flags which are now whipping in the wind. Kites are soaring through the air, kayakers are coming ashore and I see families playing on the beach together. It's a picture of so many things, beauty being one of them. 

I can feel goosebumps on my skin as I see some people walking up from the beach in their swimwear, the wind is now hitting me, making me shiver, as I'm sure they are too. My feet long to touch the sand, and my skin to feel the water but today is not that today, something tells me tomorrow won't be either. 

Looking out onto the beach floods me with different emotions. I look at families playing and children in the sand, it fills me with a desire for my own family, to be with my own children playing in the sand. I see surfers and kayakers, I wish I had the sporty nature to offload onto the water whatever the weather. 

I guess there is just one thing for me to do whilst I sit here and look out at the view... Join in. Embark on a little walk and meet the ocean face to face. 

Off I go!... 

Ok so I chickened out, I stood up and the wind hit me. I walked up a steep hill, didn't remember it being quite a stretch, so I am now sitting in the peace of my own car waiting for Kris' good news. 

The funny thing about sitting in the car is that I begin to admire some bunting I see up on the cliff side only to focus in on two figures, who just so happen to be Kris and the owner of the Spars. What a lucky guy working in such a desirable location. I wonder if he can see me? If he can he will only see the proudest wife sitting in the car park looking up in his direction. 

Time for Healing

I haven't been sure whether I should do a blog about this, or not. But I figured, more for my family, I would write one so they might get a clearer sense of what's going on.

I've been having a tough time lately, which is down to a number of things really... The lack of a baby, the move, the church - and a few more things that take their toll individually. But, it started having an effect on my body, more than it did mentally. I was constantly nauseous, had stomach pains almost everyday, and I started to feel really down about almost everything. Work kind of ushered me to the doctors, which I'm grateful for, as this is when the doctors said it could be down to stress. I had a day or so off work to get myself together again, get my head around it all and just try to figure out why my body was reacting like this.

The doctors gave me a 'self-help' booklet that I should work through, which was all about depression and why I feel depressed. To be honest, I've never felt depressed, and still don't now. 

To cut a long story short, I was signed off work last week until half term because I couldn't handle my day to day job. I ended up walking out of a classroom mid lesson to find myself in a staff room, crying my heart out. I just couldn't take it.

So this week, in all honesty, has been wonderful. Not only have I not had to get the ghastly bus, but I've not had to cope with my ungrateful students who don't appreciate what they have going for them - me. It's tough working with students so close to my age, but it's worse when they're rude and all I'm really there for is to help them and make sure they get it all right.. Not wrong. 

Over the last few weeks I've had some days where I've felt lower than others. Kris and I ordered a chinese a week ago to cheer us up. It was 2 hours late, which any normal person would be irritated by, but not only was I annoyed at the incompetence of the take away people, I actually sobbed when it arrived. I mean seriously, who cries over a chinese? 

Like I've said, some days are better than others. A fair few of these days I find that I'm my own worst enemy, putting myself down when in reality it's nothing of the sort. Kris and I have been decorating the house the last few days. I did a few walls in our living room and by the time I'd finished, I'd pronounced that I'd done an awful job and I'd let Kris down. Not once had he said anything of the sort, so why did I put myself down like that? I guess it's a confidence thing, but now looking at the wall, I can see that actually, I've done quite a fine job.

The last few days have been better as I've done a few things to help lift my mood. 

I saw a counsellor yesterday, which was a bit scary seeing as it was my first ever counselling session, but it was a huge eye opener. As I've said from the beginning, I am quite aware that I'm not depressed, or feeling quite as low as hopeless and helpless. But seeing a counsellor was most definitely the best decision I've made. She gave me a few things to work on, and set me some goals before I see her again. As cliché as it sounds, she showed me the light at the end of the tunnel, and made me realise just how simple it can be to pull me out of my hole. 

I don't want to blab on too much about 'poor old me' but I do want to say one thing, and that is the support I've been given by people since this has been going on. Sometimes going through tough times like these are when we realise how loved and cared for we really are. So thank you to those of you that have supported, encouraged and just simply talked to me about it all. 

I love knowing I'm loved. 

Oh and my lovely hubbie Kris, he's been amazing!